I love the Clash. They are probably one of my all time favorite bands. I remember imagining when I was younger that If my life was ever made in to a film that there would be a scene where I was distraught roaming around a supermarket, cameras circling around me, and the song “Lost in the Supermarket” by the Clash would be playing in the background.
I thought it was a fitting title to my first post.
I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, I spent my later youth more or less homeless, running around with punk rockers, ravers, skin heads and drunks. I started drinking and experimenting with drugs at a very early age. I embarked on journeys that were far beyond my maturity level, but no one could tell me that, I knew it all.
When I was nineteen I found out I was pregnant. I was mortified. I did not want to be a mother, I didn’t even really like most children, and here I am, this wretched woman, being responsible for another life. I could barely take care of myself. I made it through my pregnancy and welcomed little Lulu into this world three months before I turned twenty.
This was a really really dark time in my life.
I was living in Tahoe at the time and when Lulu was three months old, I moved back to Spokane. I left her dad, and was gonna start my life anew.
Well, I failed miserably.
Instead I ended up in a deep dark pit on the outskirts of hell. I was so lost and I had no idea.
A few years go by, I land a great job, I’m engaged to a not so recovered addict, and life is, well its better, at least, I thought so. Then my bubble burst, everything I had slowly “built” was tumbling down, and a great deal of it was my own fault. I was now going through a rough break-up and one day as I was driving home and I just started to sob, I had finally hit rock bottom.
God had used my spotted past and all these experiences to bring me to my knees and to submit to Him as my Lord. This transition was not an easy one. I was still deep in so much of my sin. But God is slowly chipping away at my heart of stone and giving me a heart of flesh. On September 14th 2007 I got baptized and from that moment I knew my life was no longer mine, and He has been incredibly gracious to me as a woman and a mother, and I thank Him daily for this gift of life I have received.
We are foolish to think that we are our own Gods, that we “got this”.
So this is my story, at least the beginning of it, I hope that though this blog I am able to share with you my new journey and encourage the faint hearted. That you will share in my joy and my trials and that as we are many parts of the body of Christ that we are unified in Him. For our good and His glory, as John Piper puts it,
“God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him”.
My journey really has just begun, and each day is a gift and I pray that I reflect Christ more today than I did yesterday.