Thank you my dear friend for reminding me of this often! You know who you are! I have thought for years that I was in control of my life, and don’t get me wrong, there is some truth to this, But God is sovereign!
Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established… Well I think I may have misunderstood this somewhere… I often found myself busy trying to manipulate circumstances and creating happenstance. I did these things selfishly not thinking of the detriment it brought to the little one who’s heart I’m responsible for shepherding.
Okay, bear with me, this needs a little backstory… But first a preface…
I’ve struggled for a while with whether or not I should write about my own singleness, I’ve feared that somehow that would cement my future and I would forever be that woman who wanted to marry but instead gets to write about all that singleness has taught her over the MANY years.
First of all, So be it! I should count it joy to be sanctified regardless of the means. He has secured my future and that is what is most important. Secondly, I am not and will never be alone. I belong to a wonderful body of like minded believers and my chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
So back to the short trip down memory lane…
I’ve spent the last few years in complete discontentment over my lot in life.
I have not chosen to bloom where I’ve been planted, Instead I’ve been exposing my roots to the elements and have finally been drug off by some stray dog to some abandoned field where I’ve just withered to nothing. Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic, but you get my point, maybe?
I’ve put myself in harms way and in doing so have abandoned the role God has intended for me. I mean, sure I’ve cared for and nurtured and provided for my daughter, that is not the issue, but I’ve failed to use this time to shape her in His ways. I’ve not made study and devotion and service a priority in my life or hers. In attempts to put myself out there and get noticed, I’ve neglected her.
So I have resolved to spend less time out and about and more time at home, with her, and being more intentional with the time we have together.
I’ve not trusted God to establish my steps, I’ve not trusted His ways to be best, I’ve not trusted Him, period.
I don’t need to frolic about drawing attention to myself, I’m pretty sure Proverbs talks about a woman like this, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be compared to her. That’s not fostering a meek and gentle spirt. That’s definitely not blooming where I’m planted. If God intends to marry me off one day, He will. He will bring it about, and he will give that man the boldness to go out of his way to make his intentions known. I don’t need to parade around to make it merely a matter of convenience.
Instead I, by God’s grace will be like that tree, firmly planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. I will let His word be a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path. I will be satisfied in the morning with His steadfast love, I will rejoice and be glad all of my days!
I ask you my dear friends, when my countenance has fallen, and I believe the lies of this world, that you would remind me of this and that you would direct me to repentance, and that you would speak boldly the truths I need to hear. Let this be my resolution, and by God’s grace, may others help me to hold to it.